Easy Ways to Improve as a Mother

Have you ever asked yourself, How can I improve myself as a mother? First of all, you’re not alone. Second, let’s get something straight. You are doing great. You are doing the best you can for your child – and everyone else – and that is enough. If you read that and rolled your eyes, I get it. But the truth is, we can’t do it all and we can’t do it perfectly. But what we can do is do our best with what we know and what we’ve been given.

Now that we have that established, we do, right? We can go over how to improve as a mother. Side note: we will be talking more about improving your life as a mom, not improving you. Because you aren’t broken, and I believe in life improvement over self-improvement.

Focus on You

If you are burnt out and have nothing left to give, you aren’t going to be your best in any area of your life, especially motherhood. So, while giving a lot to your kids is normal, giving them everything you have isn’t healthy. Sometimes you need to say, Mom is working out/writing/meditating/drawing/walking – whatever gives you peace – I’ll be glad to help you in 15 minutes. But, if it feels selfish, think about it from your child’s perspective in 15 years. Would they encourage you to do more of what you enjoy? Of course they would. Would 15-years-later you encourage yourself to do more of what you enjoy? Yep.

Improve Your Thoughts

Most of the items here are mindset shifts. Because what’s happening on the outside isn’t why you are yelling, having a breakdown, or crying on the bathroom floor every night. Your thoughts are the reason. So whether you’re putting your kids off or getting irritated or angry at them a lot, your thoughts about what’s happening create those outcomes. For example, if you keep putting your kids off by not spending time with them, consider what thoughts may be attributed to that. Thoughts like, “Kid games are so boring. I have so much to do, so how on earth could I take the time to do that?” Or “Playing pretend is such a waste of time.” Imagine if you changed the thought to, “I want to spend time with my child, so would it kill me to play with them? Ten minutes would mean the world to them, and would it really make that much of a difference in how much I have to do?”

Keep Your Eyes on Your Own Paper

It’s so easy to look at what other moms are doing well and think you aren’t doing the same, so you must not be as good of a mom. Not so. You never know what people are doing behind closed doors, meaning, no one is perfect, and what you see isn’t always reality. Sometimes, moms are Pinterest-perfect on the outside and a falling house of cards behind closed doors. Also, remember that everyone has different talents and strengths. So while your strength may not be playing Barbies with your kids, you often go on bike rides with them. Both are spending quality time together and are relational, just different.

Try on Your Child’s Perspective

Sometimes I’ve explained things to my daughter, and I look back and realize I overexplained. She didn’t need to hear the logical explanation of something; she just needed me to listen to her. From her point of view, she just needed me to tell her, “I get you.” Had I looked at the situation from her point of view, I would have seen that in the moment. For example, she came in asking to get ice cream from the ice cream truck, and I said no because we were about to eat dinner. She spiraled and started crying on the floor. My instinct was to get angry at her, but I realized she was not being logical (no one is when emotions are too high), and you can’t meet logic with this type of behavior. So, I told her she could get ice cream, and we would put it in the freezer to go with dinner. She calmed down immediately. All it took was seeing things from her POV and searching for a solution that I would want at her age. This is hard for adults, but being intentional about it and practicing it can help us improve as mothers.

Remember, You Aren’t Doing This Alone

You don’t have to rely on your own strength. If you try, you’ll eventually crumble. God is your source of strength; if you tap into it, you’ll be amazed at how things change. You’ll no longer feel like you have to be the mom who does it all. You’ll suddenly feel lighter and more capable. Unfortunately, this isn’t a one-and-done exercise, but fortunately, you have to go to your Father repeatedly. If you need help connecting with God in motherhood, check out this podcast (I’m sending you to the website), Joy Filled with Jenna Griffith. It’s like you’re chatting with your friend about the ups and downs of motherhood and how God is there with you through it all.

Practice Gratitude

Any time thoughts start coming up of complaining or woe is me, I remind myself of how blessed I am. My children are healthy and growing. I have a house and warm coffee, and a computer on which to write this. I have clothes and food for my kids. We have so much to be thankful for. Even though our feelings are valid no matter how blessed we are and unfortunate others might be, it’s helpful to be grateful for all you do have. Read more about improving your life with a gratitude practice for moms.

Let Them Figure it Out

Don’t sweat the small stuff, and don’t get into arguments to win. This goes for your relationship with your kids and spouse. If your daughter swears the song you’re listening to is by that guy on The Voice (Blake), but it’s really some other country singer, just let it go. My favorite thing to tell my husband is to ask yourself these two questions before you get involved in a debate/argument. Does this harm the person I’m speaking to? Does this affect me? If it’s a no for both questions and many times it is, just let them figure it out on their own.

Improving as a mom involves growing and working alongside your partner and with your kids. It’s something that ebbs and flows, not something that you do continuously. That will drive you crazy and is entirely unnecessary. Try a few of these strategies occasionally and do the best you can. If you feel out of control, especially distraught or angry, seek professional help. It’s worth every penny to find peace with yourself and your family. Let me know in the comments how you plan to implement some of the strategies above, or if you have your own to contribute.