10 Ways to Balance Parenting and Self-Care

You already know that parenting is the most challenging job you will ever have. It demands a lot from you, makes you sick instead of getting a day off for being sick, and there is no clocking in or out. Learning to balance self-care and parenting is extra work, and sometimes you have to get creative, but it should be near the top of your to-do list.

Think about a job. You get breaks to eat in peace and go home and rest – or at least do something other than work. A boss gives you time away from your responsibilities because A. You have things to do and enjoy outside of work, and B. You need a time-out to perform your best. So, why on earth do we think that the most demanding job, parenting, wouldn’t require some of the same?

If you need help incorporating self-care into your routine as a parent, here are 10 ideas to get you started.

1. Be Where You Are

Focus on what you’re doing, whether playing a game with your child, making dinner, or taking a relaxing bath. You may need to realize all of the ways you are taking care of your kids, in which case, you can ditch the mom guilt and lock yourself in your room for 30 minutes (assuming your kids don’t need to be supervised). If you’re fully present with your kids, you’ll be more open to “me time,” and when you’re fully present when doing something for yourself, you’ll enjoy it more.

2. Sharpen the Saw

Stephen Covey coined the term sharpen the saw, which means “preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have—you. It means having a balanced program for self-renewal in the four areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual.” In short, it’s doing something that rejuvenates you. I once tried to “take care of myself” by cleaning the kitchen. While I enjoyed waking up to a clean kitchen, it did not rejuvenate me. I went to bed tired and still unfulfilled and woke up resentful of having another packed day. I think this is a common miss-step in balancing self-care for parents, especially moms.

3. Choose Self-Care that Speaks to You

Do not trod off to Yoga class if you’d rather go hiking. Choose your passion for knitting instead of taking up a garden simply because you read about the health benefits associated with digging in the dirt. It’s the same principle that works for exercise: the regimen you will keep doing is the one you enjoy doing. If you need some inexpensive wellness ideas to gift yourself, like a cute digital calendar in which to schedule your self-care, check out this list.

4. Include Your Kid(s)

Not all self-care needs to be done solo. Nor is time with your kids always an energy suck (let’s be real that sometimes it absolutely is). Curate a list of fun, rejuvenating things the whole family can do. I suggest unplugging during whatever you decide to do, which will help boost the benefits. I’ve included my daughter in meditating, which is a great practice for her to get familiar with as she grows up.

5. Join a Church

Whatever your spiritual belief is, you can find an organized place for it. Of course, it’s a bonus if it has childcare or a place for the kids to learn. If it seems overwhelming, try going once a month at first. Or even try tuning in online first. 

6. Plan Your Time

If you float about the week looking for that perfect opportunity to steal away and do something for yourself, you’re going to be waiting for a while. The perfect time ain’t coming, you have to create it. To help you balance self-care and parenting, plan the week or night before and do your best to honor it. It may look a little different than you planned (like yoga with a 3-year-old or 5 minutes to meditate instead of 30), but you can make it happen.

7. Don’t Wait Until it’s All Done

When you’re done, your dead. Let that sink in. I have let this sink in, and yet, this is my biggest obstacle. My mind tries to convince me to rest or play after everything is done – or perfect. Nothing will ever be done, especially around the home or with kids. So, decide when things are good enough (think a B versus A+) and move on to something you enjoy.

8. Start with J.O.T.

If you’re like me, you may not be doing any self-care as a parent because you either can’t decide on what to do or you haven’t decided on the perfect thing yet, so you do nothing. Don’t make it all or nothing – pick Just One Thing – something small/doable – and get started. 

9. Plan What Your Self-Care Will Be

Have you ever found a pocket of time to do whatever you want and then had analysis paralysis because you wanted to do it all but had trouble choosing the perfect thing to do with your free time? I feel like this happens to every parent trying to balance self-care and parenting to take a minute for themselves. Now, I have a list in my planner of things to do, which includes things I want to do and self-care items. So, if I have an extra 15 minutes and want to do something fulfilling, I look at my list and choose something from there. 

10. Do Something that is the Opposite of Your Natural Inclination 

If your self-care usually involves something extraverted, try something introverted and vice versa. Coercing yourself out of your comfort zone can be freeing and refreshing. For example, I enjoy more introverted self-care things like reading, writing, or journaling. When my sister-in-law invited me to go dancing, my initial response was no, but I ended up going. I was glad I did; it felt like a good change in routine. If you, conversely, are always out and about, try staying in and journaling or enjoying a slow evening with a movie.

There are many reasons to ignore or downplay your need for self-care, and parents are especially good at this. It may take extra planning and letting some things go to balance self-care and parenting. Take one tip from the above and use it to create a space on your calendar for something that gives you vitality. Which tip can you implement – even for just 5 minutes – today?